Questions By Twin Moms Answered Part 2
8-27-2015
My almost in kindergarten (but still mama’s babies) are 5 years, 5 months, 3 weeks & 4 days old.
OK, I answered some questions about being a mother of twins. They are common questions that people ask me and wish to know about. Now on to the next part. (You can read part 1 of twin questions by clicking the pink link.) Here are 5 more questions answered.
1) How will I truly know if my twins are identical or not? (Before/ after birth.)
The majority of the time doctors can tell before birth whether your twins are identical or not, but things can get tricky. Placentas can fuse together making fraternal twins appear as identicals. And in some rare, but not at all unheard of circumstances, some identical twins deemed fraternal twins do in fact have two sacs AND two placentas. This is where the confusion can lie and a slight possibility of identical twins can remain, however, more likely than not they are franernal, but that is not a guarantee. People have gone on thinking they had fraternal twins that looked very, very similar, however, they were told they were fraternal. A DNA test for some has proven them to be identical sometimes, even though you can have fraternal twins that look super similar (I have seen it) and identicals that don’t look like absolute carbon copies. They usually do, but not 100% of the time. So, mistakes can be made, even after the examination of the placentas post birth. It has happened before.
The way to know for sure if you have any doubt, as many fraternals may look alike in the newborn phase but change over time. By 6 months you should be able to tell most fraternals apart, but if you are still pondering your twin-type then a DNA test is an easy way to find out. They aren’t that expensive either anymore. My girls had 2 sacs and 2 placentas, but I did read about the subject while pregnant. I remember one resource cited that there still was a 10% chance for identicals in my situation. I can’t remember where that source was, but the day they were born I knew for certain – NO identicals for me!
So, in closing, you usually get the right answer during pregnancy or at the birth at the very least, however, there have been plenty of cases among the millions of twins born over the decades where fraternals did turn out to be identical. Also, when placentas fuse appearing as one, some fraternals may also be deemed as identicals if early ultrasound was not used. Interesting stuff, hey?
2) What are absolute twin must-haves that you can’t live without?
a) You never have enough diapers.
b) You need plenty of formula if you aren’t breastfeeding.
(Don’t ever buy this while pregnant. Some babies require different brands or even prescribed formula. You don’t want to end up with a stack of formula you can’t even use.)
c) You will need lots of onesies, bibs and burp clothes. Double the babies, double the mess.
d) You CANNOT live without two boppy pillows.
In fact, if budget allows for two upstairs and two downstairs or two in home and two in the car for travel, you WILL use them a lot during the 1st months of life. Until your twins are truly mobile, which will be some time, these boppy pillows are total lifesavers. Make sure you have at least 1 per baby. They are great for feedings, resting, napping (supervised), watching T.V., etc.
e) You definitely need two bouncer seats. Babies adore these.
They sit in it and get totally fascinated by the music and lights. Plus, you can feed your small infants in these for quite a long time. Up to 25 lbs. if memory serves me. They make up for a few things in one. It’s an entertainment center, small babies may fall asleep and nap in them, they are mini high chairs before babies can sit up all of the way. We had two upstairs and two downstairs. You’ll want to take these on long trips to grandmas with you.
f) Pacifiers
If you have one or more suckers you best be prepared. No matter how many nookies you buy they seem to disappear on a daily basis. I swear there is a nookie ghost out there in homes across the nation.
g) A really great, quality double stroller for AFTER the beyond loved double snap & go.
Front to back or side to side it is up to you. ABSOLUTELY get a double snap and go for the newborn and infancy stages. We used ours for quite a long while, and it was worth every red cent and 10 times more. It’s light, portable, and the infant car seats fit in with total ease. Plus, they are cheap and non-bulky. A twin mom’s best friend. After that we decided on a side-to-side for our bambinos. We wanted them to see the world not the back of each other’s heads, however, everything has its pros and cons. I think side-to-side is the choice for most twin moms though, but definitely get the snap and go first, and buy the larger infant seats to get a lot more use out of both items. The bigger seats WILL fit into the snap & go.
Considering how much time kids stay in their strollers, I never recommend going cheap on a stroller or a car seat. For safety and durability reasons. Skimp on other things, not those two items.
h) 2 Infant car seats.
You don’t want to put twins straight into the convertible ones. The infants carriers make life SOO much easier. I bought Graco Snug Ride 35′s which last much longer than the typical seats, and I have NO regrets about it. They were awesome, and I could take my twins in and out of the car and use my double snap and go so much longer. With two in tow you definitely want the convenience these infant seats provide.
i) Swings, but do you need more than 1 of them?
Two swings you ask? Most babies enjoy them, but some babies love them much more than others. I DO NOT recommend buying two full-sized swings. There are few but certain babies that do not enjoy them much at all. They also take up a lot of space and are pretty pricey when bought new. My advice is to buy one full size swing and one travel swing. They both can be used at home, however, you will have one that is less expensive, but still as functional, and it can be taken along on trips with you. I found it to be a VERY worthwhile purchase to go this route. While one twin was in the swing sometimes I would have one in a bouncy seat. 2 big swings are not ever a true necessity.
j) A large diaper bag.
I love the Ju-Ju-be brand for insane durability, size, style, everything. BUT do make sure in whatever you buy that the bag is larger and has strong zippers and a soft shoulder strap for carrying heavier loads than you would for a singleton. You’ll thank me later.
There is much more, but this is going on too long here. Just don’t forget to buy a great…
k) camera
You can’t live without that with twins. Nothing is more interesting than watching them grow and soon interact with one another. Ah, the capers they will soon get into. It’s such an entertaining experience. You’ll wish to capture it all.
(Steals & deals. Money is always tight with twins.)
3) What have I found to be the hardest part about raising twins over the past 5 years?
For me, it was/ is sibling jealousy. From day one with my older daughter that was by far the hardest part of things. I cried over it. I was trying to give her one sibling to be of bonding age with, now here she was having two sisters instead, and she seemed totally miserable. (She was the first grandchild on my husband’s side, 1st girl for everybody all around, myself included. She was very spoiled, and the 4.5 year age gap could not have been worse for us.)
I always urge others to either wait longer, but that isn’t my biggest recommendation… plan it earlier if you can. I think 14 months – 2.75 years apart is best. It makes life SO much easier. Beyond the 3 year mark interests change and all, but especially once they get older than 3 and remember being alone it is worse, like Mikayla did. BUT I have met plenty of moms with my situation who tell me how wonderful things went for them in that respect, so don’t bank on this horrid jealousy story that I had. I haven’t met anybody who had it as bad as I did, and I am always talking to twin moms and asking questions.
Spreading yourself around keeping everybody happy, bonding with everybody, making sure they get your time, love and ample attention, that was the hardest part for certain. If you have no other kids you are in a great place. You have another child down the line and not only does it seem easy in comparison most times, but the twins will have each other and so the jealousy thing won’t be such as issue IF at all. I’m envious. Why not twins first Lord 
?
If I only had twins, or if I am just thinking about raising them in general without the sibling part, the hardest part was all of the feedings in the early months. My arms were cramped up, my back was cramped up. I was holding bottles so much I felt like I was getting arthritis. However, sometimes you need to do the bottle prop to save yourself at times. All twin moms know exactly what I mean when I say that.
The nights for us were not so horrible because I had my husband around to help out, and we worked as a team. Both of us did get some sleep to function on. I expected worse there, so I guess if that help wasn’t there I would have been a possible zombie like some twin moms say during the early months, but the teamwork made it totally bearable. Oh and sterilizing sooooo many bottles was another killer. Dishpan hands galore!
So, if I look back that isn’t exactly horrible stuff, hey? As they got older the fighting was the hardest part. They went for eyes, hair, cheeks, even biting. It was a phase, and I felt more like a referee than a mom sometimes, but they DO grow out of this. All in all I expected the experience to be way harder than it actually was, and I would re-live it again in an instant. That is saying a lot, no?
4) How did you handle the sleepless nights?
Like I said, for the 1st 7 weeks anyway, I had my husband home with me. We took shifts with the babies. So while we were tired we were not walking zombies, however, it doesn’t mean that everything was bubble gum and lollipops. Teething came along , and that wasn’t so easy. But I did learn some things along the way about getting twins to sleep longer and better at night, and conquering night/day confusion in newborns so both they and you can get a better night’s sleep and function well the next day. You can read all about helping your twins sleep through the night more quickly (tips and tricks) by clicking the pink link provided.
This is a best-seller on getting baby to sleep through the night. I loved it!
5) What about postpartum depression with twins? Will I get it?
You would think I would have gotten it. I was someone who was in such twin shock her whole pregnancy, and in the beginning cried so many tears over there being two babies and not one in my belly with barely any support at all. I felt scared and alone, and my husband wasn’t talking as he was scared himself and in a zombie like state. It was an awful place to be in. I couldn’t enjoy it. So you would THINK I would have been more prone to getting PPD, even though I had never had it with my previous children, but nope. If anything I had myself so worked up with despair of what was to come that the reality was so incredible to me that I had more like postpartum elation, honestly. I was so happy to hold them and have them near, and just to have two beautiful, healthy kids when some are not as lucky. I did get sad for my older daughter, but that was the extent of it. It all works out in the end.
But do know that postpartum depression is more prevalent with a multiple birth than a singleton one. The pressures of raising two babies, lack of sleep and sometimes for some a great lack of help can make you feel burnt out. Hormones are vacating the body, and trust me, twin moms had more of them than singleton moms, so it is a harder place to be in during the postpartum stage. PPD is a VERY common occurrence, and it is NOT something to ever be ashamed of. Most of the time it is mild and will cease on its own as hormones level out and a routine is set in place. Call on help when needed for sleep, household chores and alone time. You need some of that to function at your best, and it does wonders for your mood, PPD or not.
If you feel like you can’t handle it on your own there is a lot of support out there, both online and off. You are far from alone in this. If you need someone to talk to face to face then seeing a therapist who is trained in these matters is nothing to feel badly about. PPD is not about not loving your children AT ALL! You must know that 1st and foremost and to not feel guilty about it.
Also, there is something called just regular baby blues that is often confused with PPD. These ‘blues’ are very common and up to 85% of new multiple moms have them. They only last for about 2-3 weeks and are nothing to be worried about. Again, these hormonal changes run a muck on us all, making us very sensitive beings. When blues persist longer only than it is called true postpartum depression. 10-15% of moms will get this, but those are just the documented cases. I can only imagine how much higher that number would be if all moms admitted to it, and it was added into those statistics.
If you can’t seem to shake those blues than speak to your doctor. he or she knows all about PPD and can definitely help you out, also providing you with any proper resources you may need. It’s an extremely common condition. More common than pre-term labor, gestational diabetes, pre-eclampsia and more. Hang in there. The skies will clear really soon.
Thanks for reading. I will be back soon with more!
(It has been a really crazy few weeks here. Sorry for the lack of posts this week.)
